Overtaxed, under-served Scrantonians rejoice! Billionaire, reality TV star and presidential pretender Donald Trump has come to the rescue.
The self-proclaimed Midas of moribund real estate has purchased the city of Scranton and fired its leaders and public employees, according to a story in the Weekly World News. The Donald promises to rewire the Electric City and make it “the Hollywood of Pennsylvania,” apparently unaware that alleged filmmaker Paul Sorvino has fatally wounded that fantasy.
“I always wanted a town in Pennsylvania to play with,” Trump reportedly said. “It’s a dumpy town, but I’m going to make it into gold, like I do everything.”
The story was published about a month ago, and somehow escaped the attention of the “establishment” media. The Weekly World News prides itself on publishing the stories the rest of the Fourth Estate doesn’t have the guts to pursue — “Batboy,” haunted toilets, kittens charged with murder, etc. Without WWN’s intrepid “journalism,” we wouldn’t know that Trump plans to replace Acting Mayor Bill Courtright with actor Steve Carell, who played Michael Scott, the bumbling boss of Dunder Mifflin, the fictional, Scranton-based paper company from NBC’s “The Office.”
I have my doubts, but I can’t help but hope this story is true.