I’m hunkered down composing my annual collection of classic Christmas carols reworked to reflect the news of the year. There’s a lot to work with and my Sunday Times deadline looms. In the meantime, please enjoy these selections from last year:


Cheesy the Showman
Is a photogenic pol
With a flashing smile and a retail style,
Self-promotion is his goal.
Cheesy the Showman
Has a big heart, some say,
That qualifies this grinning guy
For a big public payday.
Cheesy the Showman
Doesn’t fret about the sun.
He says, “I’ll run, sponsor some fun
“And be in by noon Monday.”
There was something tragic
In that old flashbulb they found,
For when they trained it on Cheesy
His frown turned upside down!
Clickety-click-click, clickety-click-click,
Look at Cheesy vogue!
Clickety-click-click, clickety-click-click,
Photo-ops bring votes!
Cheesy the Showman
Is as bold as he can be.
Without an invite, he’ll stay all night
Until everyone says, “Cheese!”

Donald Trump is the front-runner in the race for the GOP presidential nomination. This surprises Establishment Republicans and no one else.


You’re a mean one, Mr. Trump
The Tea Party ideal.
You’d shred the Constitution,
To serve your mad delusions, Mr. Trump!
You’re a bad Santa… with funereal appeal!
You’re a dumb one, Mr. Trump!
A fascist Forrest Gump.
Your brain is hate-infected,
You’ll never be elected, Mr. Trump!
Yet you keep climbing in the polls…

Keystone Sanitary Landfill is seeking an indefensible 50-year expansion. Friends of Lackawanna, a grassroots resident group, opposes the expansion, but landfill owner, billionaire and political patron Louis Denaples usually gets what he wants.


Garbage rising like a funeral pyre,
Methane nipping at your nose,
Jersey garbage being dumped on the pile,
Down the valley, a sour wind blows.
Everybody knows, we can’t count on politicos
Who can’t stay in office without You Know Who.
Shameless cronies with their eyes all aglow
Will sleep like logs tonight.
They know that Louie’s on his way
He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh.
And every Denaples guy is gonna spy
To identify anyone who might try their guy.
And so, I’m offering this twisted phrase,
to residents of Dunmore and Throop
Although it’s been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to Lou.