The Chosen One is melting down. The President of the United States is an angry, clueless crank standing in his driveway ranting at objective reality. The press won’t get off his lawn and the world won’t bend to his infantile whims. Donald Trump’s long con is unraveling, and he knows it.

Trump’s unique unfitness for the hardest job on the planet was evident from the start of this reality TV schlockfest. Atop the 12,000 documented lies he has told since taking office, Trump will say anything to deflect attention from a recession an army of top experts say could begin as soon as next year.

Trump insists all of the empirical data and financial forecasts are “fake news” pushed by the Lying Liberal Media and dirty Democrats elected by disloyal American Jews. Trump — whose “easy to win” trade war with China has destabilized global markets — is feeling so flush he wants to buy Greenland.

There’s a lot of fairway under all that glacial ice. Scientists say climate change wilt melt about 440 billion tons of it by the end of this summer. Trump could open a tremendous golf resort three rimes bigger than Texas! That would be YOOGE!

Alas, Denmark owns Greenland and isn’t looking to unload it. Denmark’s  female prime minister, Mette Frederiksen, called Trump’s stumble into global Realty “absurd.” He called her “nasty” and canceled a trip to Denmark.

For now, the President of the United States will stay in his driveway, melting down and daydreaming about an icy island where he could putt in peace while the world burns.