Did you hear about the big, fat sewer rat who got stuck in a manhole cover? It seemed like everyone was talking about it this morning as Michael Cohen scurried up Capitol Hill to rat out his former boss.
On Sunday, a rat in the small burg of Bensheim, Germany, got stuck trying to squeeze through a slot in the manhole cover. Animal rescue personnel rescued the chubby rodent. The internet gushed with reactions from animal lovers and rat haters.
Haters raged that rats steal food, damage property and reproduce like rabbits. Rats can’t be trusted under any circumstances. Lovers acknowledged that rats are generally a scourge on society, but this one looked so relieved — almost human — as it was dumped back into the sewer.
Michael Cohen is going to prison in May.
As I type this, President Trump’s former fixer and personal lawyer is still testifying before the House Oversight Committee, saying everything anyone who’s been paying attention already knows: Trump is a snake in the grass. Always was. Always will be.
Republicans predictably tried to discredit Cohen as a liar, a cheat, a fraudster and Not A Team Player.
Just as predictably, Democrats seemed ready to believe anything Cohen said, so long as it branded Trump as a liar, a cheat and a fraudster. They think Cohen plays for their team now. He doesn’t.
Michael Cohen plays for Michael Cohen. Period. He is a rat. A liar. A cheat. A fraudster. He will say, do and swear to anything that serves his interest. He learned at the clay feet of a master.
Trump is the Yoda of Jedi Liars.
So who to trust? Wrong question. Like most cases in which all parties are damaged goods, it comes down to who you doubt less. Joe Valachi was a known thug, thief and murderer when he ratted out the Mafia to a Senate committee in 1963. His testimony was the beginning of the end for La Cosa Nostra in America.
Forced to judge a hissing contest between a snake in the grass and a trapped rat, I’ll take my chances with the rat.