The news that Lt. Gov. Mike Stack apologized for being a jerk to his state police security detail and household staff likely inspired a series of questions among a majority of Pennsylvanians, including:

Who the hell is Mike Stack?

Why do we need a lieutenant governor?

Why are we just finding out about this now?

ANSWERS: the lieutenant governor; no one knows; it’s a slow news day and Mike Stack called a press conference.

“Everyone who knows me knows that I will occasionally have a ‘Stack moment,'” he said Wednesday during a bizarre media event in which he admitted lashing out in “anger and frustration” at troopers who cart around Stack and his wife, Tonya, and the state employees who maintain the second family’s 2,500-square-foot, taxpayer-funded home.

“There are times they see the best of Mike Stack and times they see the worst of Mike Stack,” he said.

The 53-year-old Democrat is widely reported to be under investigation by state Inspector General Bruce Beemer‘s office, which probes government fraud and waste. Beemer refuses to confirm any inquiry into “Stack moments” is underway. Gov. Tom Wolf, who is still hanging around Harrisburg waiting for Republicans to warm up to him, refuses to discuss the matter until he reviews the findings of Mr. Beemer’s unconfirmed inquiry.

Meanwhile, there are whispers about Wolf dropping Stack as his running mate in 2018. Said whispers likely inspired Stack to issue an apology for being caught being a jerk.

“The state trooper is absolutely the boss,” he said. “If I’ve ever said something in anger, or frustration, being in a rush or something like that, where a state trooper thought that I was telling them how to drive or how to operate their emergency response procedure, if I ever gave that impression, I was wrong, and I apologize.

“These folks are like our family, and you say things around your family that you wouldn’t necessarily say to anybody else in the world. And you’re always grateful for your family because they’re stuck with you, right, so you can say things, and one way or another you’re going to have to see them at Thanksgiving, so they have no choice but to forgive you.”

Sorry Mike. Family members don’t get paid to keep you company, and voters are only “stuck with you” until the next election. They have a choice about whether to forgive you and will likely make it without the sentimentality familial bonds engender.

Time will tell, but for now it’s clear that more Pennsylvanians than ever now know they have a lieutenant governor, his name is Mike Stack and that taxpayers are funding his security, travel and lodging on top of his salary, health care and pension benefits.

A guy living that kind of dream has no business being a jerk.